He's Dead, Jim
}} Haley and Durkon discover Roy's fate. Cast * Roy Greenhilt (as a corpse) ◀ ▶ * Haley Starshine ◀ ▶ * Durkon Thundershield ◀ ▶ * The Flumphs ◀ ▶ Transcript Haley stands at the battlements of Azure City. Haley: ROY!!! Haley: Durkon, did you see— Durkon: I saw, lass. 'E dropped like a stone. Durkon: Let me take a closer look... Durkon looks at Roy through a spyglass. Haley (inset): Does he... does he have the X's in his eyes? Durkon: Aye... he's as dead as a doornail alright. Haley: Durkon! Good gods, a little sensitivity! Roy just died! He was your best friend! Durkon: Aye, an tha is why I'm happy. I know Roy, he prob'bly figured tha any damage he done ta Xykon would make it tha much easier fer someone else to beat him. Durkon: Tha means he died fulfillin' his duty, just like dwarf. I cannae be sad knowin' me friend go such a good and worthy death. Durkon: Though I admit tha hittin' the ground might've been a wee bit ignominius[sic]... Haley: Roy's dead... and I failed him. Durkon: Wha? How? Haley: I should have had some sort of arrow that could hurt Xykon. I mean, I knew he was a lich, I should have looked it up. Haley: I'm a rogue, I should have been able to sneak a look at the Monster Manual! I could have done that for a friend! Durkon: Lass, ye cannae dwell on tha now. Yer second-in-command, tha means tha right now, ye're our leader. Ye need ta keep it together fer the team. Durkon: Now wha are yer orders? Haley: Gods, why did he have to be so stupid and go jump onto a moving dragon? Who was he trying to impress? Durkon: Lass, listen to me. LISTEN! Durkon: Thar was nuthin' ye could've done. Roy was a smart guy, 'e knew tha risks an' accepted dem. Durkon: Ye couldn'tve talk 'im outta doin' wha was right anymore than I could talk ye outta swindlin' the rich. Haley: I guess you're... you're right. Durkon: 'Course I am. So wha we gotta do is do our best ta win this battle, so we can honor tha sacrifice 'e made with eyes wide open. Haley: OK. OK, let's beat this army for Roy! Durkon: Tha's tha spirit! Durkon: After all, it's na like Roy was expectin' thar to be some soft comfy cushion waitin' fer him when he fell... Cut to a café in Cliffport where two flumphs sit at a table. A chalkboard reads, "Cliffport Café Today's Specials: Egg White Omlettesic with Mimosas 10 gold" Flumph #1: Wait—why do I feel like we were supposed to be somewhere? Flumph #2: Just eat your brunch. D&D Context * The flumph was introduced in the 1981 First Edition (AD&D) sourcebook, Fiend Folio. Propelled aloft by jets of air, they are helpless when on their backs. * The Monster Manual is the primary reference for monster abilities. Knowing a monster's entry means the player knows the monster's weaknesses, even if their character wouldn't. Trivia * The Flumphs in the Cliffport Café are part of a running gag where unsuspecting flumphs happen to break the fall of the PCs. In this case they failed to be there to break Roy's fall, but felt their absence hundreds of miles away. * The title is a famous catch phrase of Dr. Leonard McCoy on the original Star Trek series. External Links * 444}} View the comic * 42200}} View the discussion thread Category:The Battle of Azure City